your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
