i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
