Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
