I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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