Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
