Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
