Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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