new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
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