Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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