i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
