Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize