I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
