dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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