It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
