i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize