Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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