There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
