it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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