I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
