Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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