Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
