Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
