i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
