why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
