Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
