If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
