some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
