Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just high enough for therapy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
