Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize