Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
did you just send me my own nude
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
