Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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