why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize