the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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