Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
