She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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