Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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