Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
