if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is Oprah even human
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
