there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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