A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
