You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
