dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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