I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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