I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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