I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
