Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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