how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
