It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
