Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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