I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
