I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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