I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
