If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
