He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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