he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
