the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
