her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize