My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
