His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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