I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
