Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
