please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
