States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
