This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
