i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
