It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
