Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
