Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
