Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
