How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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