you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
