You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
