I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
