My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
