Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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