He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
