wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
