he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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