The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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