she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
