I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My ass is underappreciated
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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