I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
