good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize