where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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