My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
