I bet he comes in French.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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