I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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