well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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