Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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