Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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