if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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