Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
