Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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