I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
