And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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