If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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