Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
