Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
