I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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