Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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