Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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