I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Let's get the cat blown out
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
