she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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